I believe a person happens upon the abyss at least once in his or her life. Generally as humans, we try to avoid this abyss by covering it up with language and patterns of behavior to follow. Heaven forbid we look into the unknown. Of course, I am borrowing these ideas from Kenneth Burke. Let's give credit where credit is due. Over the past few years, I have spent a fair amount of time thinking through the process of the abyss as a refining journey. After studying several world religions, I began to notice a pattern of language. Each religion seemed to be calling for true faith, the pursuit of something counter to the way of the world. In this pursuit, one would find peace, oneness, salvation, etc... Christianity was one religion that I saw trying to call for a life after the journey through the abyss, whereas many other, by my interpretation, seemed to be ending at the arrival of the abyss. I thought this was a lovely revelation. See, if language was keeping us away from the abyss, then I believed language was also the key to the abyss. However, worldly language is flawed. Originally, when Adam was told to name the animals, he gave them something: life, a presence, purpose, a place. Instead of the name dividing and restricting, I believe the name was to be creative as God's words were creative. Now, when we use language to name, it does restrict, divide, and remove essence. Something changed. Now, we name to gain control of something. We say this is understanding. I disagree. Anyways, if humans require language but the abyss was a way of breaking down our current structure to bring us to a new structure, language needs to be changed in the abyss. For those working through tragedy, there is often a period of silence. Words fail. I believe story then becomes essential to finding a way out of the abyss.
Today, I began to wonder once one is out of the abyss, how does one live in a society that is pre-abyss. If the entire structure of thinking, living, functioning is changed but one still remains in the web of pre-abyss thinking, living, functioning, how does daily life work? Is all of that journey forgotten? Does one find others who match the post-abyss change? Does one go off-grid?
Lately, my life has become normal in most assumed senses of the word. After a great shift and change in my life, I found a steady job, a steady boyfriend, a steady family, and a few steady friends. Yet, something in me is extremely restless. I feel like the revelation I had from my brief moments in the abyss have been forgotten or passed over in daily life. I don't know how to live out what I learned. Society seems to fight against it. Despite all of my uncertainties, I still have faith. Faith does not fade so easily. I talk to people who are older and wiser than me and see the faded passion. Now, I am starting to notice it in myself. I have grown lazy and selfish. I don't want to go through all the extra work of thinking differently or talking differently. When did I give up? I am sure I will journey through the abyss many more times in my life. Right now, though, I think I am climbing up a mountain. Maybe I just gave up climbing and am sitting in a cave, looking back at my valley, and trying to see through the fog to the beautiful land I saw when I first emerged.
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